I have long maintained that Bush can't possibly be as dumb as he is portrayed (or sounds when he's mangling English). Personally, I think he suffers from dysnomia, aggravated by alcohol and drug abuse when he was younger. But even if you're a legacy, it's tough to get through Yale and then Harvard Business School if you're a dolt.
(I do have some friends who disagree, though, insisting that Bush's family put pressure on those institutions to help him slide through.)
That being said, it does drive me nuts that Bush absolutely and adamantly refuses to actually talk to people. He has his talking points, and then he has his joking, frat-boy, friendly mode that a lot of people seem to respond to (I friggin' hate it, but that's me). For the benefit of both my readers, I herein give examples of how Bush would react to everyday situations with his pre-programmed, Auto-Bush responses:
Hits another car: "This is an unfortunate situation that I am sure trial lawyers such as John Edwards will be quick to take advantage of, which is one of the things holding our country back."
Bounces a check: "Tax cuts would alleviate these kinds of problems."
Overbilled at a restaurant: "Tax cuts would alleviate these kinds of problems."
Homeless person asks for money: "What you need are tax cuts that stimulate the economy, creating jobs."
Attends a party and, with the other guests, trashes the house, accidentally dumping beer in the aquarium (killing all the fish) and running over the family dog his car: [watching host clean up] "You have to stay until the job is done. Leaving would be defeat. Not finishing the job is to become a defeatocrat. Complaining would give succor to the enemy." [leaves, handing cleanup bill to homeless person's kids]
Gets caught shoplifting: "As the Commander in Chief in a time of war, I have to do whatever I feel is necessary to ensure our victory. These supplies are desperately needed by our brave troops. Do you want to be seen as not supporting our troops?"
Gets caught beating someone up: "America does not torture. I refuse to comment on the sources and methods we use to obtain information."
As Molly Ivins said, in times like these, sometimes the only fun we can have is making fun of the folks in charge.
About Me
- Douglas Moran
- When I'm asked “Where are you from?” I usually answer either, “Uh…,” “Most recently, you mean?” or “The Northeast,” which is about as specific as saying “The Western Hemisphere.” The fact is, after kicking around Connecticut, New Hampshire, Long Island, and northern Virginia, the longest I stayed any place was the 12 years he spent in Santa Cruz, California. My caustic sense of humor precludes saying he is a Santa Cruzan, however, so I usually say, “Uh…” With a Computer Science degree in my hot little hands and a modicum of writing ability, I somehow fell into a career as a technical writer in the computer biz, which allows my to work from my current home in Austin, Texas, be with my two kids, and still get in plenty of time researching new gadgets, watching science fiction DVDs, playing with A/V software, and hitting the frisbee golf courses nearby. My insanely tolerant wife (who once encouraged me to buy a sports car so as to preclude any midlife adulterating) fluctuates between living with my weird hobbies and urging me to engage in them even more, which helps explain why I am so inordinately fond of her.
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